Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
