a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
