Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
