I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
