my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
