After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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