Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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