He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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