I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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