I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
