dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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