I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
