He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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