So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
