and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
