I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
