Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
