We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
