Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
