remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize