10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
