If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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