I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
