her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
a search helicopter?!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
