I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
