u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize