the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
