I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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