The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
