After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
