he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
