I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
