Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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