i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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