she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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