My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i drank out of a bidet.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
