i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
