im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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