As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
