I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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