Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
