My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
