You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We got so high we made milksteak
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize