I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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