They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
