Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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