dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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