I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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