I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i think i just lost a toe
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
