wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
