Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
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I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
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When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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