sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
