Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
