I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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