new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
