I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
