Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
