I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
