ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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