i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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