The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you traded sex for a burrito?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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