do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
