it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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