well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
