Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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