Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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