I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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