I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize