dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
