he puts the penis in happiness.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
