Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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