I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
