btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
